Regentropfen des Segens

Raindrops of Blessing

Failing is terrible.  Failing repeatedly and feeling helpless to change the issue is even worse.  As I have spent the last two weeks or so walking through repeated failures where I conformed to the world in so many ways, I have kept myself busy and entertained enough to avoid the loneliness and constant pain that should have been there.  I swept God under the rug, running to Him only at the end of the day as a sort of reassurance to myself that I was still really trying hard.

In the midst of this season, I have been pondering something God has made clear to me a hundred times before, each time in a more intense and dramatic way than the last.  The fact is that I am not my own, and that His plan, no matter how hard I try to predict it, almost never goes the way that I think it will.  In fact, it almost always goes the exact opposite of what I want or think would be best for me at the time.  Yet it is always, without exception, the best thing for me in the end.

God will not hold back even the most painful of circumstances if it means getting the best for His children.  Read that sentence again.  If you think that God's greatest desire and purpose for you is to "bless" you by taking away your financial problems, giving you favor in the workplace, healing every physical ailment in your life, and essentially parting every other miniature Red Sea you throw out before Him, you are wrong.  You are denying the very words of Christ ("Take up your cross and follow me." does not equal "Take up your first class ticket and follow me to the Redemption Resort.") along with 2,000 years of church history filled with rejoicing martyrs and suffering saints who were overwhelmed with the Peace that surpasses all understanding, yet if defined through modern televangelist terminology didn't get it right since they did not experience God's "favor," "blessing," "desire for them to reign," or any other foolish term we have come up with.  The point is that we are born broken.  Our blindness to our sin comes from the very fact that we were born into it.  Why don't you have to teach children to lie?  Or be cruel to other children?  As much as I want to picture my little sisters Faith and Grace as perfect angels, they are in fact just as corrupt and stained by the Fall as the most heinous of sinners on death row; and left to their own devices, they will lead lives that are an outrage against God's goodness and not only break His heart, but disgust Him beyond belief.  And yet He came and paid the price for these sins in full.  What a wonderful sacrifice.

It has long been said that the Gospel is a scandal.  We live in a world that rages against the church, saying it is unbelievable that a loving God could send people to hell.  I urge you to reconsider: the scandal here is that a righteous, good, fair, and just God could ever allow such filthy creatures as we are into eternal life and to experience His presence both here on earth and on into eternity.  The angels are not surprised by hell, in fact they rejoice every time an unsaved man steps through those broad gates because God has once more defeated evil and proven His justice and righteousness, eliminating sin from the world.  The real surprise for them comes when an equally sinful man steps through the gates of heaven directly into the presence of the Father.  Yet they rejoice just as hard because God has once more defeated evil and sin, redeeming mankind through His own work on the cross!  You see, the result is the same: God triumphs over evil.  The fact that He has offered us the ability to freely accept His payment on our behalf and be transformed into His image throughout our lives here on earth is the greatest scandal of all eternity, yet it is the most wonderful thing we could ever hear - in fact, it is our only hope.

In view of such mercy and grace, then, what else can we do but offer everything up to Him?  A real understanding of this infinite love and wonderful sacrifice would cause us to no longer feel tugged at by the reigns of religion, but rather pulled forward into transformation and new life by the magnetic love of Christ.  We would no longer seek earthly satisfactions and "blessings" through so-called "spiritual" means, but rather would find spiritual blessings in even the most mundane parts of our life.  It isn't supposed to be easy, Christ said that many times.  But this difficulty is of a different sort than you may have ever experienced before.  It is one filled with increasing love, joy, peace, patience, and every other perfect thing.  Blessings through raindrops.

So back to the point at hand:  God will not hold back even the most painful of circumstances if it means getting the best for His children.  Read that sentence a fourth time.  It is, I think, probably one of the most important lessons we could ever learn.  It is one of many important foundational truths to learning to trust in Him, rely on Him, and walk more closely with Him.  I am privileged to have a friend back home, an incredible, talented, and very humble young woman of God.  She thinks I'm just someone she runs to for advice from time to time and that I just sort of "put up with her" even though she's about five years younger than me.  Little does she know that her faith has inspired me greatly as she shines "among a warped and crooked generation ... like stars in the sky, as [she] holds firmly to the word of life." (Phil 2:15-16)  Recently she has been struggling in her faith in circumstances that are entirely different from mine, but in a way that is similar in a spiritual nature.  She sent me a link to a song that has helped both of us deeply.  To close, I am sharing it here, not just for encouragement, but also as a deep theological statement that, if applied and understood, could change the face of Christianity around the world.

You see, in spite of all the false expectations I had about how God was going to work during my study abroad, He is still working.  He works in His own ways, and within the past week has sent me some very comforting reassurance that He is here, and that despite my brokenness He still has a plan.  The best thing any of us could ever pray is the words of Christ, "Thy will be done."  Even our most well-meaning and selfless prayers could never change the world like those four simple words.

"I know not the way God leads me, but well do I know my Guide."
-Martin Luther

Versnobter Vogel - Eine Kurzfassung meines Lebens

The Pretentious Pigeon - My life in a nutshell

I should probably start today with a disclaimer. It's possible that I'm going crazy from homesickness or boredom or overexposure to Lederhosen and other Austrian delights. Either that or I'm regressing spiritually. Either way, my brilliant spiritual insight of the day came from a pigeon. Let's call him Joshua.

So today was a beautiful spring day. and I had no money since I get my stipend tomorrow (don't worry Mom, spent the last of it on groceries two days ago so I'm not starving). Oh, and I was bored out of my mind. So I decided to go take a walk and sit in a park for a while. As I was walking through this gorgeous city, I found it strange that I had become numb to the beautiful buildings all around me. The street performers, most of whom I have seen a hundred times, were old news. The Stephansdom, still breathtaking inside and out, made me a bit disgusted as I considered the fact that this historic Cathedral and house of God is really nothing more than a monument to man's creativity and ability and, today, little more than a tourist attraction and a source of income from the €0,85 (just over $1) prayer candles. Oh, and don't forget the gift shop inside one of the older side chapels.

"Where's God?" I thought to myself, as I walked through the Hofburg Imperial Palace courtyards. Then I saw Josh. A scrawny pigeon sitting on the shoulder of a massive statue of Hercules fighting off some demon or hydra or some such thing. Never before had I gotten the impression that a bird thought of himself as meaningful, but clearly Joshua did. His chest was puffed up, head drawn back, and his eyes were stone cold. He did not move a single muscle as he surveyed the tourists taking pictures and the patrons at the outdoor cafe from his lofty perch. Clearly, in his mind, he was in charge here. And everyone was here to pay homage to Emperor Joshua and his Herculean pigeon legend.

Then it hit me. That was me. Sitting on the perch of who I think I am, what I think I deserve, where I think I'm going, what I think God's plan for all this mess is. Ok, so maybe I never thought anyone was here to pay homage to me. Maybe half the time my mind was so full of homesickness and self-pity and confusion over how to get to God that it was all I could do to keep from stalling in the middle of the road like my 1993 Dodge Spirit did two years ago. But you know what? On the outside I was Emperor Joshua. Straight face, walking tall, like I owned the city. I was the only one who mattered here, and the only purpose for me being here was for God to work on me. And if that didn't happen, then nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. Even the church I found only existed to encourage me, to give me friends, and to hopefully play a part in bringing me to where God wanted me to be.

Aren't we all pretentious pigeons sometimes? Do you think the architects who built the Hofburg ever thought of what a wonderful bird perch they were building? Do you think some American tourist whipped out her camera today as she walked by, saying, "Oh, what a beautiful bird! Would you like some more bread crumbs, Joshua? Oh silly me, here, take my chocolate covered croissant, I actually am quite fond of bread crumbs, your Majesty." Do you think anyone will attend Joshua's funeral when he dies? Maybe even write a biography about his groundbreaking pigeon legislation and landmark achievements for equal rights for underprivileged pigeons?

But aren't our lives just as meaningless without Christ? And, whether we be on top of the world or thrown under the bus or somewhere in the middle, aren't we just as self-absorbed? What really matters to us, and why? Back to this quote from Mike Mancino: "Self-consciousness is an obstacle to God-consciousness." The more you think about yourself, the more you're moving away from Him.

How exactly do I fix this problem? I have some casual friends, some favorite cafes, and of course classes to attend, but I'm still basically alone. It seems to me that becoming God-conscious is hard whether you're alone or not. When we're not, we just focus on everything in our lives and everyone around us. And when we are, we just focus on ourselves. We look at God as one more person to fit in our lives - rather than a pair of contact lenses through which we should consider all other things. A pair of contact lenses, that is, with which we can have the most intimate and life-changing relationship ever. So maybe nothing at all like contacts.

My last post was entitled "Where is the passion?" - and it was a question to the church. Today, though, it's a question for me. And it's one I hope to find the answer to soon.