Die Realisierung der Sühne Christi

Owning the Atonement

I just read an entry in Oswald Chamber's classic and amazingly profound devotional My Utmost for His Highest, and I believe it speaks volumes to many of the problems we have as Christians today.

"And the Lord turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends." Job 42:10

The plaintive, self-centred, morbid kind of prayer, a dead-set that I want to be right, is never found in the New Testament. The fact that I am trying to be right with God is a sign that I am rebelling against the Atonement. "Lord, I will purify my heart if You will answer my prayer; I will walk rightly if You will help me." I cannot make myself right with God, I cannot make my life perfect; I can only be right with God if I accept the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it? I have to resign every kind of claim and cease from every effort, and leave myself entirely alone in His hands, and then begin to pour out in the priestly work of intercession. There is much prayer that arises from real disbelief in the Atonement. Jesus is not beginning to save us, He has saved us, the thing is done, and it is an insult to ask Him to do it.

If you are not getting the hundredfold more, not getting insight into God's word, then start praying for your friends, enter into the ministry of the interior. "The Lord turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends." The real business of your life as a saved soul is intercessory prayer. Wherever God puts you in circumstances, pray immediately, pray that His Atonement may be realized in other lives as it has been in yours. Pray for your friends now; pray for those with whom you come in contact now.

After reading this four or five times to let the message really sink in, as I always seem to have to do with Chambers, I realized how much I desperately need such wisdom in my own life as a follower of Christ.  How many times do we become so preoccupied with trying to become "better Christians," begging and pleading for God to accelerate His work of sanctifying us and bringing us to perfection?  How often do we go back to square one, thinking that we must ask Him to justify and forgive us once again, as if the Cross meant nothing?  We continue with this attitude of self-centredness, thinking ourselves pious because we want to improve ourselves, when what we are really doing is, as Chambers puts it, "rebelling against the Atonement."  It may seem innocent, but we are actually rejecting the sacrifice of Christ and striving to be "more justified" in the eyes of God.  What is most ironic of all is that when I am most honest with myself, the most fulfilling and remarkable times of spiritual growth in my life are always when I drop the self-focus and live out an outward-focused Christianity, keeping the above-mentioned intercessory prayer and love for others at the forefront of my thoughts.  When I do this, that is, live as an ambassador of Christ shining light into the world rather than trying to light my own candle all the time, then sanctification just seems to flow naturally.  This should come as no surprise, since it is how Christ intended for us to live.

Unfortunately, being in Europe has made it very difficult for me to live this way.  This is no excuse, and I must always take full responsibility for my action as well as my inaction, but it does provide a clear image to me of where I need to grow.  It is much easier to focus on living a Christian walk of service and compassion for others when I am in my comfort zone, surrounded by those I already know and love very deeply.  Making new connections and shining any form of light here has been a challenge to say the least, and I have spent far too much time focusing on myself: trying to be better, praying for God to make me better, or beating myself up for not being better.  For those who are struggling with this kind of outlook, I encourage you to read the devotional entry above as many times as it takes to let the message sink in.  He has already paid the price for you, now be the new creation that you are and begin to pray for and minister to those around you.  Only then will you move from glory to glory, being transformed more and more into the image of Christ. 

(One last note that I found very interesting, the verse in 2 Corinthians 3 that speaks about moving from glory to glory is actually spoken of in the context of a covenant that shines glory through us to others around us.  We have had a veil removed from our hearts to allow us to not only see the glory of God, but to shine this glory to others and lead them to Him.  What an amazing privilege, and even more encouragement to pray for and focus on others around us!)

Der große Widerspruch

The Great Paradox

Christianity is a compilation of glorious contradictions.  Life through death, victory through defeat, blessings through persecution, a God that is three in one and one in three who came to Earth as a human being without forfeiting one attribute of His nature.  Today, though, I am overwhelmed by one great contradiction.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

We are actually commanded by Christ to die to ourselves, to realize that we are nothing apart from Him.  We are told by our loving Father to throw in the towel, to give up, throw our hands up in full surrender, ending the war our flesh has waged against His laws.  Our sinful nature, our old selves, will be given no quarter.  We will be ruined -  "gloriously ruined" in the words of the late Mike Yaconelli.  There is no room for negotiation with the Almighty One.  Sadly, we have lost the fear of God, and humbling ourselves under His mighty hand has become a romantic notion where He throws buckets of daisies, daffodils, butterflies, tulips, and rainbows all around us and then cooks us a big warm pot of chili [or insert your favorite home-cooked meal from mom here].  We have forgotten the words of the author of Hebrews, "It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." (Heb 10:31)  These are the same mighty hands under which Peter tells us to willingly humble ourselves.  The beauty of our situation is that the dread is gone, and we can now approach Him confidently with the knowledge of His grace (Heb 4:16) thanks to Christ's sacrifice on our behalf; but to forget the hopeless situation we would otherwise be faced with is to trample the blood of Christ underfoot, which is the very thing Hebrews says makes the notion of falling into His hands dreadful (Heb 10:26-31).

Many times have I prayed the words, "Lord, I cannot do this alone.  If you don't help me, I know I can never get myself out of this nor can I ever end up where you want me to be."  I have been sincere every time, because the words are as true and logical as anything I have ever spoken.  The problem is that I have been surrendering in the wrong way.  The demand is for us to surrender to Him, actively and continuously, "that he may lift you up in due time."  To put a new twist on a classic example, what good is it to pray and give God a signed blank check to your life, only for Him to find out you have withdrawn all your funds by the time He goes to cash it?  The will must remain surrendered to Him until He lifts you up, and trust me, He will.  This is the meaning of the "living sacrifice" in Romans 12:1.  Another well-known example I enjoy is that the difference between a living sacrifice and a dead one is that the living one can crawl off the altar.

This paradox of active surrender, fighting to remain subdued under God's hand, was well understood by Peter.  Just two verses after telling us surrender to God's mighty hand, he writes, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." (1 Peter 5:8-9)

I can think of only a handful of times in my life when I have been persistently and actively surrendered in spite of feeling totally cut off from God.  This week was one of those times.  As I wrote in my last post, I made up my mind to refuse to stay down, to refuse to stop seeking Him.  I barely knew what I was seeking or how I would find it, but I can encourage you, He wants to be found by us.  If you feel discouraged, persevere in surrender.  Do not persevere in good works, or attempts to be holy, or to understand God's ways.  Persevere in surrender.  Fight with all that you have to make sure that in the conflict between your flesh and God's Spirit, you are the one who loses.  It is worth it.

And when you least expect it, when all hope seems lost, when the night is darkest, He will drop an unbelievable miracle right into your lap to remind you He is there.  It may seem like nothing to the people around you, they may say (at best) that it is a coincidence or maybe just the pepperoni pizza you had last night.  But you will know that God has heard your prayer and answered it in a way only He can.  Of the handful of times I have forced myself to stay on the altar, He has always answered me in such a way.  That's what happened to me this week, and I can't wait to get to share the story someday soon, when the time is right.

Ich steh hier auf weitem Land

Lass mich los in deinen Hand

Ich seh ein Feuer immer heller

Es lockt mich an, steckt mich in Brand

Standing tall in this wide space

Getting lost in Your embrace

I see a fire burning brighter

It’s calling me to catch the flame

Ich lasse mich fallen, 

tauch ein in deinen Liebersstrom

Es ist nicht nur Fühlen,

Sondern Wissen, du bist da!

I feel like I’m falling

Swimming in Your great streams of love

It’s not just a feeling

It's knowing You are here

Nicht-redigierten Gedanken

Unedited Thoughts

Patience is not indifference; patience conveys the idea of an immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts. The vision of God is the source of patience, because it imparts a moral inspiration. Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but because he had a vision of God. ... A man with the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue; he is devoted to God Himself. ... If God gives you a time spiritually, as He gave His Son actually, of temptation in the wilderness, with no word from Himself at all, endure, and the power to endure is there because you see God. (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

Forgive me Lord, for my lack of patience.  I have had false patience, the kind Chambers describes as "indifference."  I have been anything but an "immensely strong rock," and I know why: because I have not relied on You.  I have not kept my eyes fixed on You.  This is so difficult to write, because I feel like the opening theme is the same as many of my posts so far on this blog - that I am still a failure.  I have the fear and shame that people will just get fed up of reading about how I repeatedly fall flat on my face, then try to turn my life back to you.  But I must be honest.  And if I am honest, I have only two choices.  I can stay on my face, where there is no risk of falling again, or I can turn my eyes to Christ once more and allow him to lift me from the ashes.

I'm not giving up.  "Time has a way of robbing me of your memory, but it can't erase and now I remember everything." (Joy Whitlock, "Traces of You")  I can never forget what He has saved me from, and though I am not now nor will I ever be fully saved from the grasp of sin on this earth, He has already done so much in my life and given me glimpses of what is still to come.  The fact that I feel like I have let down myself, my friends, my youth group, and Him is only a sign that my spiritual eyes are focused on the wrong place.  I am a wretch, that should be no surprise - but His grace in the midst of my wretchedness should never cease to be a surprise.

You see, I have this problem.  Everywhere I go, people seem to think that I think I am perfect and they are not.  Up until I was about 16, I had quite a prideful streak, but I was also desperately insecure.  In the past 4 years or so, I'd say both of those have evened each other out quite a lot to become a balanced self esteem, yet the stereotype of "judgmental, arrogant jerk" still follows me.  It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens often enough to make me wonder what it is that I am doing wrong.  It breaks my heart, because I do not want to be perceived that way.  More importantly, I do not want Christ to be perceived that way.  It is not who I am, definitely not who He is; it is the exact opposite of the love that I want to shine through me.  Besides, I don't think you understand - if I had been there when Paul said he was the worst of sinners, I would have thrown my hand in the air and told him the title was taken.  I know the right thing to do, yet can never manage to get it done.  I give my friends good, sound Biblical advice for their problems because I love them so much (not because I want to dump legalism on their heads) even when I am stuck in the mire of sin myself.  My hypocrisy knows no bounds.  My failures are countless.  Okay, so I don't even know what this has to do with the beginning of this blog entry, but maybe I need to learn to be more patient with others in this issue.  And maybe others need to read that I really don't view myself the way they seem to think I do.

Sorry that I haven't written much lately.  I just can't seem to think straight much anymore.  I don't want to say I'm not enjoying my travels and my experiences, or that I'm not learning a lot, but I have to admit that I don't think I'm cut out for long periods of time away.  I just love my family and friends and home so much, it's practically all I can think about lately.  I've got a countdown timer on my laptop.  Getting motivated to do anything is difficult.  I've found some great people here, and my German may have gotten much better, but there is still a language barrier.  I miss small things, like driving my car with music blasting, and big things, like waking the twins up from a nap or talking into the late hours of the night with Nate over a cup of coffee in his shed or in his plow truck.  I don't know what lesson I'm supposed to learn from all of this, but it's gotta be part of what God's doing.

This may have been the least coherent thing I've ever written.  Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive.  I love you all.

Die Schätze meiner Krise

Treasures of my Crisis

Several months ago, before I left for Austria, I had chosen a little slogan that I used to explain part of why I was coming here.  They were some words for me to live by, and I think even posted them in the very first blog entry.  "God needs to do a lot of construction work on me, but that almost always requires some demolition work first."  Little did I know just how prophetic those words were going to be.

Vienna was a time of major demolition in my life.  As I said several entries ago, God never does things the way I expect Him to, even when I have some specifics on what He is going to do, and this was no different.  Rather than working on me gently and being a tender, well-trained surgeon painlessly removing problem areas from my life, He allowed me to carry on with a self-destructive mindset and several self-destructive habits and patterns in my life.  This gave my spirit the momentum needed to become a wrecking ball targeted at, well, me.  In God's infinite creativity, He used me to do the demolition on myself.

Through this process, I struggled greatly, rarely fixing my eyes on Christ and, even then, never for an extended period of time.  I experienced major homesickness, loneliness, emotional exhaustion, apathy, frustration, and most importantly, saw very clearly who I am apart from Christ.  Those on the outside probably had no idea of this internal struggle.  The reason for this is quite simple: when busying yourself with friends, fun, drinking alcohol (which, I must ashamedly admit, I did far more of than I had ever desired to do), smoking cigarettes, even just sitting on the computer killing time, it's easy to forget your pain.  But at the end of every day, or in those moments of silence on the trams, or when the kid with the yellow shirt who is almost old enough to go to Reckless comes along with his dad and holds his nose until he is well past you, staring at your smoldering cigarette in disgust; well, in these moments, it is difficult to live with yourself.

Luckily, His mercies are new every morning.  I am finally being refocused with the Lord, and have learned several things in the process.  What follows is, I think, the most important.

We are not meant to live spiritually alone.  Not so long ago, the concept that our relationship with God is an entirely personal thing became very common.  "When we worship together, don't think about your friends.  It's just you and God, alone together, in an empty room."  This view, I believe, was developed to help us combat religious and superficial ways of thinking, to help us avoid trying to "fit in" as a "normal Christian" on the surface without having any real contact with God on the inside.  It also helps us avoid getting caught up in man-made emotional passion instead of Spirit-breathed life.  That is all good; but this view, like any other, has extreme dangers when taken too far.  It leads us to completely forget the importance of our corporate Christian life!  When I came to Europe, I thought it was going to just be me and God, all alone, and that I was going to grow with leaps and bounds because of that solitude.  Because of this view, I acted accordingly: I was barely involved with the excellent church community I found (only made it to two Sunday services aside from my home group), and did not seek to find other Christian friends.  Now, upon arriving in Marburg and finding another incredible church, my mind has been opened to how foolish that was.  Just this week I have been at the church multiple times, met some incredible people, and gotten the chance to talk a lot of spiritual things over with my new friend, Daniel, all in German.  When I am with these brothers and sisters, celebrating Christ together, I feel spiritually "at home" again.  At first, I thought, "How can this be?  Why do I need other people to connect with God?  Doesn't that make my faith worthless and based on man?  What happened to 'Forget everyone else.  It's just you and God'?"  Then I realized, my relationship with God doesn't depend on other people, and if God intended for me to be alone for a time then of course He would be there.  But He has commanded us to live in relationship: with Him and one another (the two most important commandments, remember?).  Or how about, "They will know you are Christians by your love"?  By ignoring the Christian communities God had provided me with, I was disobeying Him and missing out on a major part of my spiritual life.

This "empty room" spirituality has left the Church as it left me, thinking we all have to fight it out alone with the devil even as we stand in a room with hundreds of other worshipers.  We are God's army and His bride, and He prayed that we may be one as He is one with the Father.  If you are feeling discouraged in your walk, or feeling like you have no walk at all, I challenge you to consider your Christian friendships, or lack thereof.  If you are not functioning in a healthy community that is family to you, then maybe it's time to seek one out.

Be encouraged, my friends.  Speak openly with your Christian brothers and sisters about your struggles and failures.  You will find that we all have a great amount in common in those areas.  It will encourage you and it is a spiritually healthy thing to do - not just to whine over your sin, but to spend time in honest relationship with others.  It will uplift your spirit and bring you to the throneroom of God.  I will close with a passage from Isaiah, a passage that we often think of in the future tense because it was written prophetically.  But remember that Jesus Himself declared this passage, and He has already fulfilled it.  This passage is for us as Christians!

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61:1-3

Schmuck für Asche.  Beauty for ashes.

Regentropfen des Segens

Raindrops of Blessing

Failing is terrible.  Failing repeatedly and feeling helpless to change the issue is even worse.  As I have spent the last two weeks or so walking through repeated failures where I conformed to the world in so many ways, I have kept myself busy and entertained enough to avoid the loneliness and constant pain that should have been there.  I swept God under the rug, running to Him only at the end of the day as a sort of reassurance to myself that I was still really trying hard.

In the midst of this season, I have been pondering something God has made clear to me a hundred times before, each time in a more intense and dramatic way than the last.  The fact is that I am not my own, and that His plan, no matter how hard I try to predict it, almost never goes the way that I think it will.  In fact, it almost always goes the exact opposite of what I want or think would be best for me at the time.  Yet it is always, without exception, the best thing for me in the end.

God will not hold back even the most painful of circumstances if it means getting the best for His children.  Read that sentence again.  If you think that God's greatest desire and purpose for you is to "bless" you by taking away your financial problems, giving you favor in the workplace, healing every physical ailment in your life, and essentially parting every other miniature Red Sea you throw out before Him, you are wrong.  You are denying the very words of Christ ("Take up your cross and follow me." does not equal "Take up your first class ticket and follow me to the Redemption Resort.") along with 2,000 years of church history filled with rejoicing martyrs and suffering saints who were overwhelmed with the Peace that surpasses all understanding, yet if defined through modern televangelist terminology didn't get it right since they did not experience God's "favor," "blessing," "desire for them to reign," or any other foolish term we have come up with.  The point is that we are born broken.  Our blindness to our sin comes from the very fact that we were born into it.  Why don't you have to teach children to lie?  Or be cruel to other children?  As much as I want to picture my little sisters Faith and Grace as perfect angels, they are in fact just as corrupt and stained by the Fall as the most heinous of sinners on death row; and left to their own devices, they will lead lives that are an outrage against God's goodness and not only break His heart, but disgust Him beyond belief.  And yet He came and paid the price for these sins in full.  What a wonderful sacrifice.

It has long been said that the Gospel is a scandal.  We live in a world that rages against the church, saying it is unbelievable that a loving God could send people to hell.  I urge you to reconsider: the scandal here is that a righteous, good, fair, and just God could ever allow such filthy creatures as we are into eternal life and to experience His presence both here on earth and on into eternity.  The angels are not surprised by hell, in fact they rejoice every time an unsaved man steps through those broad gates because God has once more defeated evil and proven His justice and righteousness, eliminating sin from the world.  The real surprise for them comes when an equally sinful man steps through the gates of heaven directly into the presence of the Father.  Yet they rejoice just as hard because God has once more defeated evil and sin, redeeming mankind through His own work on the cross!  You see, the result is the same: God triumphs over evil.  The fact that He has offered us the ability to freely accept His payment on our behalf and be transformed into His image throughout our lives here on earth is the greatest scandal of all eternity, yet it is the most wonderful thing we could ever hear - in fact, it is our only hope.

In view of such mercy and grace, then, what else can we do but offer everything up to Him?  A real understanding of this infinite love and wonderful sacrifice would cause us to no longer feel tugged at by the reigns of religion, but rather pulled forward into transformation and new life by the magnetic love of Christ.  We would no longer seek earthly satisfactions and "blessings" through so-called "spiritual" means, but rather would find spiritual blessings in even the most mundane parts of our life.  It isn't supposed to be easy, Christ said that many times.  But this difficulty is of a different sort than you may have ever experienced before.  It is one filled with increasing love, joy, peace, patience, and every other perfect thing.  Blessings through raindrops.

So back to the point at hand:  God will not hold back even the most painful of circumstances if it means getting the best for His children.  Read that sentence a fourth time.  It is, I think, probably one of the most important lessons we could ever learn.  It is one of many important foundational truths to learning to trust in Him, rely on Him, and walk more closely with Him.  I am privileged to have a friend back home, an incredible, talented, and very humble young woman of God.  She thinks I'm just someone she runs to for advice from time to time and that I just sort of "put up with her" even though she's about five years younger than me.  Little does she know that her faith has inspired me greatly as she shines "among a warped and crooked generation ... like stars in the sky, as [she] holds firmly to the word of life." (Phil 2:15-16)  Recently she has been struggling in her faith in circumstances that are entirely different from mine, but in a way that is similar in a spiritual nature.  She sent me a link to a song that has helped both of us deeply.  To close, I am sharing it here, not just for encouragement, but also as a deep theological statement that, if applied and understood, could change the face of Christianity around the world.

You see, in spite of all the false expectations I had about how God was going to work during my study abroad, He is still working.  He works in His own ways, and within the past week has sent me some very comforting reassurance that He is here, and that despite my brokenness He still has a plan.  The best thing any of us could ever pray is the words of Christ, "Thy will be done."  Even our most well-meaning and selfless prayers could never change the world like those four simple words.

"I know not the way God leads me, but well do I know my Guide."
-Martin Luther

Versnobter Vogel - Eine Kurzfassung meines Lebens

The Pretentious Pigeon - My life in a nutshell

I should probably start today with a disclaimer. It's possible that I'm going crazy from homesickness or boredom or overexposure to Lederhosen and other Austrian delights. Either that or I'm regressing spiritually. Either way, my brilliant spiritual insight of the day came from a pigeon. Let's call him Joshua.

So today was a beautiful spring day. and I had no money since I get my stipend tomorrow (don't worry Mom, spent the last of it on groceries two days ago so I'm not starving). Oh, and I was bored out of my mind. So I decided to go take a walk and sit in a park for a while. As I was walking through this gorgeous city, I found it strange that I had become numb to the beautiful buildings all around me. The street performers, most of whom I have seen a hundred times, were old news. The Stephansdom, still breathtaking inside and out, made me a bit disgusted as I considered the fact that this historic Cathedral and house of God is really nothing more than a monument to man's creativity and ability and, today, little more than a tourist attraction and a source of income from the €0,85 (just over $1) prayer candles. Oh, and don't forget the gift shop inside one of the older side chapels.

"Where's God?" I thought to myself, as I walked through the Hofburg Imperial Palace courtyards. Then I saw Josh. A scrawny pigeon sitting on the shoulder of a massive statue of Hercules fighting off some demon or hydra or some such thing. Never before had I gotten the impression that a bird thought of himself as meaningful, but clearly Joshua did. His chest was puffed up, head drawn back, and his eyes were stone cold. He did not move a single muscle as he surveyed the tourists taking pictures and the patrons at the outdoor cafe from his lofty perch. Clearly, in his mind, he was in charge here. And everyone was here to pay homage to Emperor Joshua and his Herculean pigeon legend.

Then it hit me. That was me. Sitting on the perch of who I think I am, what I think I deserve, where I think I'm going, what I think God's plan for all this mess is. Ok, so maybe I never thought anyone was here to pay homage to me. Maybe half the time my mind was so full of homesickness and self-pity and confusion over how to get to God that it was all I could do to keep from stalling in the middle of the road like my 1993 Dodge Spirit did two years ago. But you know what? On the outside I was Emperor Joshua. Straight face, walking tall, like I owned the city. I was the only one who mattered here, and the only purpose for me being here was for God to work on me. And if that didn't happen, then nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. Even the church I found only existed to encourage me, to give me friends, and to hopefully play a part in bringing me to where God wanted me to be.

Aren't we all pretentious pigeons sometimes? Do you think the architects who built the Hofburg ever thought of what a wonderful bird perch they were building? Do you think some American tourist whipped out her camera today as she walked by, saying, "Oh, what a beautiful bird! Would you like some more bread crumbs, Joshua? Oh silly me, here, take my chocolate covered croissant, I actually am quite fond of bread crumbs, your Majesty." Do you think anyone will attend Joshua's funeral when he dies? Maybe even write a biography about his groundbreaking pigeon legislation and landmark achievements for equal rights for underprivileged pigeons?

But aren't our lives just as meaningless without Christ? And, whether we be on top of the world or thrown under the bus or somewhere in the middle, aren't we just as self-absorbed? What really matters to us, and why? Back to this quote from Mike Mancino: "Self-consciousness is an obstacle to God-consciousness." The more you think about yourself, the more you're moving away from Him.

How exactly do I fix this problem? I have some casual friends, some favorite cafes, and of course classes to attend, but I'm still basically alone. It seems to me that becoming God-conscious is hard whether you're alone or not. When we're not, we just focus on everything in our lives and everyone around us. And when we are, we just focus on ourselves. We look at God as one more person to fit in our lives - rather than a pair of contact lenses through which we should consider all other things. A pair of contact lenses, that is, with which we can have the most intimate and life-changing relationship ever. So maybe nothing at all like contacts.

My last post was entitled "Where is the passion?" - and it was a question to the church. Today, though, it's a question for me. And it's one I hope to find the answer to soon.

Wo ist die Leidenschaft?

Where is the passion?

Yesterday I witnessed something very unique.  I stepped out of the U-Bahn station in central Vienna to go shopping for a suit to wear to the ball I am attending this Friday, and I heard a sound that is utterly foreign here: hundreds of people shouting in unison.  I quickly turned around and saw a large group of people (probably around 300) gathered in the center of Stephansplatz, the large square in the center of the city right in front of the famous Cathedral.  They were protesting something.  I was too far away to tell if things were safe, but it did not sound so, and it was absolutely freezing outside, so I quickly went to my destination.

On my way back, they were still there, and this time I noticed that police had mostly surrounded the area, but were simply watching.  It appeared safe, and many bystanders were watching, so I approached the scene.  I quickly saw that this was a protest for "Freedom for Libya."  These people were passionately showing support for their people, speaking out against their unbelievably cruel dictator's regime, and trying to convince the Libyan ambassador in Vienna to stop riding the fence and show where his allegiance lies.  Reporters were everywhere, and the people being interviewed were clearly passionate about the issue.  The sense of unity and family was overwhelming.  In fact, rather than feeling in danger, I caught a sense of positivity from the whole proceeding.

So I've been thinking.  These people are fighting for freedom, and protesting the brutal murders that have happened in their country.  I don't know what the exact numbers are, I don't think anyone really does, but I heard one official figure that put it at around 600 deaths and 1400 injured/missing.  Even if these numbers were more than doubled and we assume that 5000 people have died, look at the passion that these people have for such a (relatively) small number.  I don't mean to minimize the Libyan atrocities, but hear me out for a minute:

If we really knew our God, wouldn't we be hundreds of times more passionate?  We have been given the knowledge that has set us free from a regime far more oppressive than that of Gaddafi.  The bondage of sin is such a horrific thing, and the freedom that we find in Christ is literally the fulfillment of our purpose in life.  Not only that, but I am sure that right now all of us know people who have died, are dying, or are on their way to a certain death in which they do not know Christ.  These victims of sin and Satan's control here on earth should be more horrific to us than the bloody pictures I saw on the posters yesterday in Stephansplatz, yet they are not.  Where is our passion?  I'm not exactly suggesting we go parading through the streets shouting out the Gospel, but then again, would that be such a bad thing?  Honestly, it would be better than what many of us are doing now: which is precisely nothing.  But more than that, our lives should be a constant demonstration, a constant protest, against the systems of this world. They should be constant pointers to Christ.  We should be billboards with the slogan: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

And then I think, those 300 Muslims in Vienna, Austria could have thought, "What can we do?  What kind of difference can we make in a tiny country hundreds of miles away from this home we are trying to support?"  And so many of us think the same way so much of the time.  "What good can I do?  There are not enough Christians in this world and heaven is so far away from most people's minds... how can we make a difference for the Kingdom?"  But that is foolishness.  We are in a war, and each one of us must play his part.  What would happen if the man who drove the supply truck to the soldiers on the front lines thought that way?  Or the squad whose job was to secure one building in a town?  It would all fall apart, which if you ask me is exactly what is happening in much of the church today.  If enough people play their part, then things happen.

If this passion seems totally foreign to you, or if it is something that you once experienced but feel like you have somehow lost, then I challenge you: have you ever really encountered Christ?  The Christ that we see in the Bible changes lives permanently.  The Christ that "has begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion."  Has that good work ever really begun for you?  I thought it had for me - until it really did.  When I truly met Christ, everything changed.  I'm not professing perfection.  I only made it 10 days without a cigarette despite my post that I would never smoke again.  But His forgiveness is there, and He is continuing to work on me.

I'll end with my absolute favorite quote from The Lord of the Rings, which has encouraged me many times in my spiritual walk:

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

"Wir müssen nur entscheiden, was wir mit der Zeit anfangen wollen, die uns gegeben ist."

Mit welchem würdest du fahren?

Which one would you drive with?

Today was my worst day since arriving in Austria.  Honestly, I'd say today was one of the worst days I've had in a very long time.  This whole week I've been feeling very homesick and I haven't been doing a great job of keeping myself busy, so things continued to build up.  Last night, though, I finally got the Skype subscription I've been thinking about that allows me to make unlimited calls to the US for $7/month.  I was up until 4:30 in the morning talking to old friends and having some very meaningful conversations.  Unfortunately this made me realize even more just how much I miss home.  I slept until 3 this afternoon because I was very tired and had nothing to do today, then got up and made lunch, and was feeling so bummed out that I just fell back into an uneasy sleep until 6:30.  I've decided I could never live in Greenland or some crazy place like that during the winter, because when you only see about 30 minutes of sun in a whole day it does something weird inside your head.  I was so exhausted and depressed after all that sleep that I couldn't even get enough energy to pray.  I just sat on the edge of my bed and, embarrassed as I am to admit it, cried.  Here, in the middle of the adventure of a lifetime that many people would give anything to have, with a world-class city at my fingertips and all the time in the world, I was the epitome of self-pity, and it was pathetic.

Funny that this happened today though.  Within the last 24 hours I've received a lot of spiritual pointers dealing with this very topic.  Last night as I spoke with my mentor on Skype, we talked a little bit about this blog and his impressions of it.  His one outstanding piece of advice to me was that, "Self-consciousness can be an obstacle to God-consciousness."  This confused me at first, but after some explanation I began to understand what he meant.  Self-consciousness is a positive thing, only so far as it leads us to realize our brokenness and become naked and transparent before God and rely totally on Him.  However, in times of trial or pain, being overly conscious of ourselves and our problems can lead to self-pity, wallowing, and extreme loneliness.  As our focus shifts from God to ourselves, we foolishly forget that God: 1) is all-powerful and sovereign, and has a right to our lives because we have surrendered them to Him (Romans 12:1), 2) has our best interests in mind (Romans 8:28), and 3) is the cure to any loneliness we could ever have because He is "help to the helpless, strength to the stranger, and a Father to the child that's left alone." ("So Come" - Israel Houghton)

You see, despite God's different plans for each of our lives, we are all called to one thing: "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)  We are called to be mirrors of God's glory in this world.  Some translations say that we "behold as in a mirror" the glory of the Lord, but actually both are accurate translations of the Greek word katoptrizo.  Both are actually important, because, like Moses, we must first behold God's glory in order to let it change us before reflecting it to the people around us. (This article expands on this concept, and the Bible dictionary entry confirms it, along with the original text)  As I meditated on the concept of a mirror, I realized something interesting.  Mirrors are unique in that the perfection of a mirror can be measured by its lack of individuality.  A mirror with unique defects or even "character" is no good mirror for looking in!  Its sole purpose is to show an accurate image of the beholder.  We are called to be the same way.  We cannot be self-conscious mirrors, making our unique aspects the highlight of the show.  Look again at the two pictures above: which one most represents your life?  Do not think of this in terms of "broken" and "whole," that is not the point.  We are all broken.  However, what stands out about your life to others?  Is it your reflection of Christ, or your own unique character?

It is amazing how this all ties in with the Moses entries from last month.  Remember with me that God first had to bring Moses to a place of brokenness before Moses was ready to ask the big question: "Who are You?"  His life was forever changed by this experience.  However, this breaking process was not done so that Moses could become a self-conscious wretch, wallowing in self-pity or constantly aware of his faults and failures.  It was done so that upon realizing all of these things, he would be ready to make himself fully naked before the Lord, dependent upon His mercy, and transparent so that He could work through his life.  The same can be said of my experience here in Europe, as well as most if not all of the trials in our lives.

So, in closing for today, I am sorry if this blog has been in any way overly self-conscious.  I am sorry to myself, sorry to my readers, and sorry to the Lord.  It was never my intention to focus on myself - the key here is for us all to draw closer to the Lord.  The purest water is see-through, and in the same way I hope that our hearts grow purer together so that our individuality never overshadows the image of God in our lives.

Dein Reich komme, Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel so auf Erden.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven.

Meine Sündenbekenntnisse - Für Alle zu Sehen

My confessions - for all to see

I wish I knew how to start this entry. There's so many things I could say. What is worth saying? What will be valuable to somebody else?

For me, one of the greatest implications of God and His glory has always been the emptiness that I feel without Him. When He is present... well, He is always present, but when I acknowledge Him, life simply fits. The proverbial gaping hole in my life is filled, and whether I stand in the midst of storm or silence, danger or drought, I find peace unlike any other. And when I choose to ignore Him, well there is this sort of nuclear fallout in my chest. When I lay down at night, I can feel the residual stains of sin and all its consequences and all I can do is hope for rest and eagerly await the coming day so I can find something, anything, to escape the loneliness.

I think that these feelings are universal. We all can try to seem as "put together" as we want on the outside, but when we are alone with ourselves in the depths of our heart - whether sitting on the Vienna U-Bahn on the way to school or laying in bed staring at the ceiling or anywhere in between - we are all the same in this respect. So what do we do? We try to fill our lives with meaning and value. We run to everything but the One who has the power to make a difference.

Yesterday I was convicted by the words of a very dear friend of mine, who wrote:

I don't really like saying amen at the end of prayers. Who am I to just cut off a conversation with God? It's like a phone call... Where you do all the talking, and then just say bye and hang up. You don't wait for a response, you just hang up when you're done confessing your sins, or saying how great our God is. I say I want to hear Him, and then I hang up on Him. I haven't heard God in so long, because I haven't been listening. I cut Him off, with everything I think I need to say.

So at 00:30 when I walked into my room, my roommate was fast asleep. Normally I would have brushed my teeth, jumped into bed, read a chapter of the Bible, and fallen asleep. But not last night. Before I did any of these things I sat on the edge of my bed and began to pray, keeping in mind the words of my friend. For thirty minutes I prayed. Not so much longer than any other night, maybe; but so very different than any other night because I finally remembered that conversation is about quality, not quantity. And for the first time since I've been here in Austria I let go of all my ridiculous pretenses about knowing God's will and heart and just desperately asked Him to speak to me. And sure enough, like always, our God was faithful.

"Your life is valuable."
That is what I heard. My instinctive response, "That's it? That's all You have for me?" Then I began to be moved by His words. God had spoken to me in a paradox. My life in itself is, actually, in fact, worthless. In fact, if God by His sovereign hand did not continue to will me into existence, then poof! I'd be gone. And He would remain. But the New Life that I have - the life of Christ in me - is valuable. There are things He has planned for me, for you, for all of us, before the beginning of time, and only we can accomplish them. Who knows how great our impact on this world will be? And honestly, who cares? If we live for Him, then it is all about bringing glory to His name. We are valuable.

Tomorrow my home-church Shiloh is embarking on a new journey where they will have a series of messages to revitalize the church's ideas of what it means to be a disciple. The goal is not for us to learn how to disciple others, but to better learn how to be disciples of Christ ourselves. What is the key text for this series? Romans 12. And what a better way to describe the fact that our lives only have value when offered completely to Him than the opening verse of this chapter:

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship."

To kick off this series, the church is going to be fasting and praying for one week prior to the first message.  I am joining with them because I believe in this series, but also because I want to press in deeper to my walk with God along with my church.  There are some things in me that need to be rooted out.  Hence the title "Confessions"...

At the time of writing this, only a handful of friends and my family know about what I am about to confess.  I may get myself into trouble, as I well should. But I am standing on the words of James, "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." (James 5:15-16)  Well, here goes:

I smoke.
A lot.
8-10 a day.  Almost half a pack a day.
For almost 6 months now.
Bad?  Yes.  But what's worse is that I have been hiding it from everyone back home except for a few close friends.  I have promised so many people I would stop, and bought so many "last packs" that I've lost count now.  But I continue to do it.  Europe hasn't helped - where everyone, everywhere, smokes.  As I type these words I am on my fifth smoke since I stepped in the cafe tonight.  Whether or not it's a sin is not some theological question for me or an area where I need to carefully search the Bible to find an answer.  The guilt and shame that I feel are enough to tell me all I need to know.  The fact that I hid it from fellow staff members because it blatantly broke the contract I signed when I first joined makes it that much worse.

At midnight tonight I begin my fast.  I am not sure what exactly I will be fasting, but I know that cigarettes will be a part of it.  No cigarettes.  Not just for a week, or a month.  No more.  Ever.  I am done with this, and every day will only make it harder.  It is more than a mundane health risk, it is a spiritual battle for me.  And as I do this, I am overjoyed that I get to join with my church, thousands of miles away, who are all fasting and praying with me.  Maybe not specifically for me, but what does it matter?  The battle is fought on many fronts, and for now this is my special assignment.  Pray that God gives you yours.

Heute ist die Fastenzeit!  Mit was mußt du aufhören?

The Fast is today!  What must you quit?

Wie heißt Dein Name? ICH WERDE SEIN, DER ICH SEIN WERDE.

"What is your name?  I AM WHO I AM." (final part of the 3 part series on Moses)

I think that these words from Exodus 3:13-14 are the most important part of Moses' interaction with God to prepare him for his journey as prophet and leader of the Exodus.  As I have spent time pondering Moses' 4 questions (Who am I?  Who are you?  What if they do not believe me?  Please send someone else!), I realized that the first one and the last two are all tied into Moses' humility and proper view of himself, which I spent time discussing in the last post on Moses' dethroning.  The second question, however, stands out in stark contrast to the others:  Who are YOU?  Though Moses had some traditional ideas passed down through the history of his people about the God of his forefathers, this was not enough.  A proper and intimate knowledge of the God of the universe was absolutely required in order for him to walk out the path before him.  Therefore, I do not think it is inappropriate to say that a proper knowledge of God is necessary for all of us to walk in the path He has set before each one of us.  Everything about us and our decisions as Christians and non-Christians alike will come down, directly or indirectly, to our thoughts about God.  To quote A.W. Tozer again,

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.

...

Let us beware lest we in our pride accept the erroneous notion that idolatry consists only in kneeling before visible objects of adoration, and that civilized peoples are therefore free from it. The essence of idolatry is the entertainment of thoughts about God that are unworthy of him. It begins in the mind and may be present where no overt act of worship has taken place… Wrong ideas about God are not only the fountain from which the polluted waters of idolatry flow; they are themselves idolatrous. The idolater simply imagines things about God and acts as if they were true.

Before the Christian church goes into eclipse anywhere there must first be a corrupting of her simple basic theology. She simply gets a wrong answer to the question, “What is God like?” and goes on from there… The masses of her adherents come to believe that God is different from what He actually is; and that is heresy of the most insidious and deadly kind. (The Knowledge of the Holy)

What a beautiful summary of everything wrong with the world.  The very first sin, and all subsequent sins, came from a casting of doubt followed by a total misunderstanding of one of God's basic qualities.  In the Garden of Eden it was His honesty and His goodness, but any other mistake we make about God's character can be equally catastrophic.  Because of this, it becomes clear that there is a mandate upon all believers to be "theologians" in their own way - not in the sense that every one of them must attend seminary and understand the Hypostatic Union or be able to quote a Catechism by heart, but that they must seek to educate themselves through God's word and reputable authors to understand who God is in the best way possible.  The more we understand God and Christ's sacrifice for us, though we will never fully understand it, the more our actions will line up with His heart.  Again, this goes back to my first post here in Austria where I spoke about religion vs. relationship and law vs. love.  When we choose to rely on only what has been handed down to us, whether we are average church-goers or members of the theological elite (what an ironic term!), we have nothing.  We must encounter God!  We must ask Him, "What is Your Name?"

Today is a short post, but if I were to write any more if would only be to elaborate on this simple truth.  Thinking rightly about God, then, is the solution to all of our problems.  The answer to sin, brokenness, and every complication in our life depends on it.  Please join with me in trying to think more rightly about God in every day.  And never just take someone's word for it.  There are many wise people out there, but there is only one Christ.  Anyone who is truly wise will agree with me there.

In keeping with the fact that the Word of God is our daily bread, today's German farewell is:
Mahlzeit! ("Bon appetit!")

Mose - von Prinz zu Prophet

Moses - from Prince to Prophet (continued from yesterday)

Did quite a lot of thinking and praying last night about this Moses situation. I found some very interesting information concerning Moses' story and attitudes before his exile in an very unlikely place: several thousand years later in Stephen's words to the Sanhedrin before his stoning. In Acts 7, he reminds them of Jewish history and informs us that:

"At that time Moses was born, and he was no ordinary child." (verse 20)
"Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action." (verse 22)
"He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not." (verses 24-25)

So how did this outstanding, educated, well-spoken, quick-acting man with a knowledge that he was called to rescue his people become the Moses we meet at the burning bush? Those 40 years in the desert had transformed him into a humble, self-conscious, stammering, hard-working man whose values were still in place but who over-thought every decision carefully before making it. There are many facets to explore here, but I hope to get through some of them today.  As I mentioned yesterday, the "proto-Moses" became three things in his transition from prince to pastor (used here only with its literal meaning of "shepherd"). He became a family man, a shepherd, and a man of solitude. Naturally, his family prepared him for leadership by teaching him what true Godly manhood is about - that is, not impulsively and rashly acting whenever one is stirred by emotion as he had done when he killed the Egyptian slaver, but rather constantly sacrificing one's self for the good of one's family and assuming full responsibility for their actions. Biblical headship is always about servanthood rather than authority, and Moses must have learned this well. As a shepherd, he learned to work hard and rely upon God's provision as he cared for his flock.

But lastly, and most importantly, I believe that Moses' solitude had the biggest impact on shaping his spirit for the upcoming years. He would of course have had much time to consider his actions back in Egypt, and I can only assume he came to deeply regret his murder and lose much of his previous sense of self-confidence and worth. I imagine that he had all but given up on the dream he once had of setting his people free, thinking that he had blown it by trying to force a solution rather than waiting for God's timing. He was confronted with his own imperfection, and made a great transition that all of us must make. This quote by A.W. Tozer has deeply challenged me, and I believe if Moses had read it one day while sitting on a rock for lunch, sheep grazing all around him, he would have nodded his head in solemn agreement:

Because man is born a rebel, he is unaware that he is one. His constant assertion of self, as far as he thinks of it at all, appears to him a perfectly normal thing. He is willing to share himself, sometimes even to sacrifice himself for a desired end, but never to dethrone himself. Sin has many manifestations, but its essence is one. A moral being, created to worship before the throne of God, sits on the throne of his own selfhood and from that elevated position declares, "I AM." That is sin in its concentrated essence; yet because it is natural it appears to be good. (The Knowledge of the Holy)

Moses was being dethroned.  This, I think, is the most important thing for any believer and the only true way to become the bride of Christ.  We must recognize that we are truly nothing without Him, but also that without us He would still be everything that He already is.  In other words, He does not need us.  He only desires us, but that is a great difference.  Admitting that my life has no meaning or significance apart from Him is something that I am attempting to wrap my head around.  But I can already see the traces of a Moses-esque transition within me.  I am no longer the young and eager Christian jumping at the bit to do something extreme for Christ.  Though my intentions were good, good intentions are often one of those idolatrous "something elses" that I mentioned in the last post.  Instead, I find myself to be a much more hesitant Christ follower now.  What is really God's will?  This may be cool, but is it really His plan?  Those are the kinds of questions I find myself asking more often.  This transition is definitely not a complete one, and there is still so much that is partially or even totally unchanged.  But it is a process.

There is so much to be gained from this story of Moses.  I have just barely scratched the surface, and haven't even come close to getting to his 4 questions at the burning bush.  Lucky for me that I have to end for today, since this is all very new to me and I am just beginning to explore it myself.

May this quote by a famous German theologian be true for all of us:

"Die Bibel ist das Buch, dessen Inhalt selbst von seinem göttlichen Ursprung zeugt.  Die Bibel ist mein edelster Schatz, ohne den ich elend wäre."

"The Bible is the book of which the content itself is evidence of its divine origin.  The Bible is my most precious treasure, without which I would be miserable."

-Immanuel Kant

Ein Bisschen Heimweh

A Little Homesickness (literally "home-pain" which, I think, is a nicer translation)

Got my first pangs of homesickness two days ago when I saw a tall skinny guy walking down the street in bright red skinny jeans and a crazy scarf.  Even in Europe, such fashion stands out, so of course I thought of Jordan.  Then Sam, then Shiloh, then New Life, then New Hampshire.  Then I hopped on the tram and put it out of my mind.

The next day I got to watch a video tribute to our adopted great-grandmother Sylvia, who passed away this past week after a long struggle with various cancers.  So of course I thought of all my family.

Luckily, I am not too homesick.  But this homesickness leads into the spiritual topic for me at this point.  I am now just beginning to realize how great was the extent of the influence of my Christian family, friends, church, and overall constant involvement.  Even during a spiritually dry time, it is not overly difficult to be preoccupied with things of God from time to time.  Even when not directly discussing God, hanging out with Christian friends has a beautiful, well significance I guess would be the most appropriate word, because there is always the assurance that Christ is the common denominator and driving force (even if He may be ignored or even disobeyed in our actions from time to time!).  Here, however, I am - for now at least - alone in this respect.  In an entirely secular society, without even a single like-minded acquaintance, I find myself frustrated throughout the day that the things of God and that unattainable but not impractical goal of "praying without ceasing" are so far from me.

So in this unique situation I have found my first task by God.  I knew it was coming, but I do not think I realized how difficult it would be.  I must, in the words of Mike Mancino, be separated from all else and separated unto Him.  I must be independently dependent on God.  I cannot rely on other people or things to provide me with a superficial "Christian walk," because it is then no longer dependence on Him but on something else.  As I write this, I realize that all those "something elses" are nothing more than idols.  Any other motive for my walk with Him is an idol, whether it be church or even the desire to fulfill my calling.  Who can live up to such an ideal view?  Hopefully me.  Only time will tell at this point.

I can only imagine how Moses felt during his 40 years in the land of Midian.  Exiled from his country and people, he went from prince to shepherd and had to find a new life and home among a foreign people.  Did he bring the God of his forefathers with him to these people?  I have begun reading Exodus to hopefully gain some insight, and have found so far no mention of Moses' religious life prior to his experience at the burning bush at the end of those 40 years.  The extent of his involvement with the Hebrews from his place in the palace is unclear other than the fact that he knew his birth family well, was sympathetic to his people, and knew at least something of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (he did at least recognize this God's existence at the burning bush and trembled in fear!).  But we cannot forget that this was still prior to the institution of the law, the priesthood, and, well, any form of organized Judaism.  So here I can relate to Moses.  No organized religion to depend on in his new land, not even the chance of bringing one there because it did not yet exist!  So clearly God sent him into the desert for training, not as a missionary.

But how was he trained?  Well, he became a family man, learned to be a shepherd, and spent much of his time in solitude.  I think these three things are significant, but I do not yet know how.  This post is already very long, but I intend to continue it tomorrow.  As a last note, there are four more things that I think are significant in gaining insight into who Moses became in the desert.  These are the questions (paraphrased below) he asks of God at the burning bush when he is commissioned to go back into Egypt, and can be found in Exodus 3-4.

1.  Who am I that I should do this?
2.  Who are You?
3.  What if they do not believe me?
4.  Please send someone else!  I am inadequate.

Bis Morgen!  Until tomorrow!

1 Woche in Österreich - Sonntag bis Freitag

First week in Austria - Sunday to Friday

Well, this has been an incredible week to say the least.  Before sitting down to write this blog, I was overwhelmed at the amount of space I could take up just talking about the things I've seen and experienced and the massive cultural divide between small town New Hampshire and Vienna.  Lucky for me I remembered that my mission statement for this blog is to "remember the former things" - the things of God.

So, keeping in my mind that my only purpose here is to document the spiritual track God is taking me down, I am much less stressed about capturing every detail of my week.  Let's just say that Vienna is the most amazing place I've ever been and I've enjoyed every minute of it, and have been making every effort to fill my large amounts of free time by integrating into the culture here.

I have been reading my Bible and praying every night, which is a good change from the last few months where I was not doing so well.  The key is to find God here, and to know that He is the same God that He has always been in my life.  At this point I have no specific direction or guidance from the Holy Spirit as to what my purposes are here other than to grow in my relationship with Him, so I am trying to take that seriously.  It is difficult when there are no other Christians to associate with, however.  The country is predominantly Catholic (mostly non-practicing), with only 4% Protestants, the vast majority of which are highly traditional Lutheran or Helvetic believers whose structure and practice is only a tiny jump away from traditional Catholicism.  I have nothing against them and was in fact planning on attending a Lutheran church, but discovered that both of these closely-linked denominations have shown support for same-sex unions, which is simply a deal breaker for me because it so clearly breaks Orthodox Christian beliefs.  I have found two Baptist churches, however, one German-speaking and the other English-speaking.  This Sunday I plan to attend the German service and hopefully begin finding a temporary family there, at the very least to pray and worship with.

My key verse for the week has been John 5:39-40: "You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life."  Christ has made it clear that it is not through study of the Scriptures that we have life, but through Him.  Despite being of absolute divine origin and entirely infallible, His word is simply a gateway to finding new life with Him.  This verse is quite easily expanded to include all forms of religious actions, especially but not only those done with an insincere heart.  I have stressed "not only" because this thought has been shaping me over the last day or two.  Sincerity of heart and desire to find Christ will not change the outcome of our religious actions (our devotions, daily readings, prayers, even listening to worship music).  It is only when we heed His simple command, "Come to me to have life," that we find life in Him and in all of our peripheral activities, both the externally religious and the seemingly mundane.  This is a truth that was a "once upon a time" truth for me.  I knew it so well and practiced it as best as I could in the past, but have all but forgotten it in practice lately.  To be reminded of it has been huge.  Putting it into application will not be any easier simply because I know, but this is an excellent first step.

This topic is powerful and I believe these verses from John 5 are very compatible with Paul's thoughts found in Galatians 5-6.  I encourage anyone to read these two chapters and contemplate the fact that the law and, thus, religiosity have no value in either direction in the life of any believer.  Rather, as the last half of chapter 5 explains clearly, our life and actions are motivated by our relationship to Christ.

Again, my goal here is not so much to talk about myself or experiences but rather to encourage and provoke the thoughts of all my Christian friends back home as well as maintain accountability for myself.  Please take these truths to prayer and ask yourself what areas of your life are religiously or "Law" motivated and not relationally or "Love" motivated.

Viele Grüße aus Wien!

-Corey